Feeling too much

I've been avoidant and out of my body. My prayer to Spirit to increase my sensitivities backfired. I didn't realize it was going to feel like this. It's so intense and overwhelming at times. Although, I will admit there've also been a couple of really good moments—experiences where I have felt a sense of pleasure and connection that transcends words. I just wish those moments were more frequent than the pain, fear, and overwhelm that seems to be hanging around all the time.

Feeling a need to process what I was experiencing, I decided to spend some time exploring my relationship with my body. When I asked myself what the highest form of love for the body is, I felt my pen respond with this.

Being in it. Being fully present and in complete acceptance of the body that you have created in this lifetime.

I knew that I was accessing a higher wisdom than my own human mind. Knowing there were more questions and answers available, I opened the channel and began the discussion below with my Higher Self. My words are in plain text. My Higher Self's responses are in italics.

Higher Self - Does the overwhelm and fear go away? What's the point of being embodied if embodiment is so terrifying?

It is only scary because it is new. You are feeling more than you have allowed yourself to feel in quite some time. It's as if you've flung open the floodgates and are fighting your way through the onslaught of waves.

What do I do? How do I float when it feels like the crash of the ocean wants to swallow me whole?

Let yourself be swallowed. The more you resist, the more it persists. The calmest part of the ocean is beneath the surface. It is the depths that offer the comfort you seek.

But I can't breathe under the ocean. I'll die. I'll literally die.

Literally, yes. The part of you that is resisting will, in fact die, and what will be left will be the most glorious version of you. The you that swims through this world with an open heart.

What about my body? What happens to it?

You are still thinking literally, and we want to drop you into the metaphorical. The ocean is your home. The deeper in you go, the more at home you'll feel. The only reason it hasn't felt like home is because you've been bouncing on the surface. It's like arriving at your physical home and standing in the doorway, letting all the bugs in. Just go in already. Go all in!

Ok. I'm getting the metaphorical, but how do I make that practical? What does diving into the depths mean or look like in the human body?

It's slowing down and tuning in even more. It's no longer using distraction, numbing, and avoiding as your main tactics for navigating the day.

Ugh, that sounds terrifying.

And yet, it is the safest and most comfortable place you can be once you allow yourself this gift. Remember, you choose this body for a reason. You chose your gifts for a reason. Do you honestly think you would give yourself a faulty piece of equipment to complete your heart's mission?

Well. No, but I've done terrible things to this piece of equipment, and I don't know if it can be restored to its original potential. What if I permanently or irrevocably broke it?

You choose what you create. So the choice is yours. All bodies were created as self-healing for this very reason. All you have to do is decide you no longer will do more harm.

By do no more harm, I take it you're also speaking to the numbing, avoiding, and distracting I've been doing.

Yes, and the way you feel about your body.

I currently feel ambivalent. I don't love it, but I certainly don't hate it either. It's just kinda, meh, and in saying that, I feel like "meh" isn't good enough.

Good enough is not the proper measure. You are free to decide how you feel about the body. What is being asked of you is acceptance. You're being asked to open or deepen your level of acceptance of the body so that you can fully inhabit this vessel you chose for yourself.

I will admit. This doesn't feel like much of a gift. It feels like a curse.

That is because you are still resisting. You're hanging out in the waves rather than sinking into the depths.

At that point, I decided that I need to change my focus. I thanked my Higher Self for the wisdom that was provided and closed the channel. I've sat with this conversation for over a week and each time I read these words, I can feel my consciousness expanding. I can see the gift of being sensitive once I allowed my fear to subside. I also remembered the first time I do anything is always the scariest.