I am no longer afraid
I was tucked under a blanket on the daybed. The rest of the world completely tuned out as my headphones filled my ears with music and motivation from a fellow Breathwork teacher.
Breathe into the belly.
Breathe into the chest.
The instructions were simple and my body was doing its usual thing. My hands were curled into lobster claws (also known as tetany) and the tingling in my arms and legs was increasing with each breath. I wondered what would happen if I tried to straighten my hands. When my body failed to complete this simple task, my mind panicked.
Let me off this ride! This is too intense! I can't handle it!
I backed off the breath and within a split second I remembered that I was totally safe. It is very common for me to experience tetany when I practice Breathwork. I know that it is a temporary condition that just happens to show up for me during the process. But there was something unique about the panic that came up and I was extra curious because it was the second time it had come on that strongly during a session.
As I continued to process my mind's reaction, I began to wonder what I was bumping up against. There seemed to be a wall of fear or buried emotion that my mind was not ready to face. What could this possibly be? I didn't have an answer, but I knew how to get one. I needed to face the fear again.
The next day I resumed my position on the daybed. This time I felt prepared. I was ready to breakthrough the wall and see what was on the other side. I invited my Spirit Guides to join me and thanked them for their support. Then I spoke my intention into the room.
I intend to breakthrough the physical, mental and emotional blocks that are keeping me from living my best life. I trust that I am safe and my body is capable of a full, safe and easy detox.
I turned on the playlist that I had created to support my intention and I dropped into the breath.
Like clockwork, my arms and legs began to tingle. About half way through the active breathing part of the playlist, my hands began to turn into lobster claws and the tingling spread across my chest. I kept breathing and waiting for the wall.
When the last active breath song started, I leaned in even more. Taking in deeper breaths at a slightly faster rate. The sensation in my body grew stronger and stronger until the last note played. I screamed into a pillow with every cell in my body and as the energy poured out of me, my entire body began to vibrate.
I laid there in a state of orgasmic bliss. When I moved my hands to my heart, I could feel the energy of it radiating outside of my body. There were no thoughts or monkey mind to contend with in this higher state of consciousness. I was fully present in the moment and enjoying the sensations that were vibrating every cell of my being.
Then I heard the words, "I am no longer afraid." In that moment, I realized I had not hit the wall because the wall didn't exist anymore. Fear was no longer standing in my way. I had broken through and released what ever had been stopping me. As I laid there thinking about what I was no longer afraid of, a steady stream of wisdom and answers to my question flowed into my awareness.
I am an empath and a highly sensitive person. I can feel the energy of other people, places and things in my body. I know that this is a gift now, but that wasn't always the case. When I was young, there were times when the energy I experienced was so intense that I would pass out. That was my body's fail safe. If the energy was ever too much, it blacked me out so the input would stop.
I understand the protection that my body was offering me now. However, it was incredibly embarrassing and I carried the shame and worry of this seemingly uncontrollable body response for the majority of my life. This Breathwork session had released me from the fear, shame and embarrassment that had been trapped within my body.
I am no longer afraid that my body will fail me. I am no longer afraid that it will hit the black out button when the sensations I experience in life become too intense. I am also no longer afraid to allow my body to feel the feels and that is a game changer for me and my spiritual gifts.
The freedom I felt from this deep healing goes beyond words. When I sat up, I knew I was a different person. The freedom from fear is starting to expand into other areas of my life as well. I am noticing that I am no longer afraid to promote my business or allow my true self to be seen in my writing. I have no doubt that this is just the tip of the iceberg. I'm sure I will notice even more changes as this inner healing begins to manifest its changes in my physical reality.
This is just one of the many reasons why I love Breathwork and include it in my regular spiritual practice. This incredibly powerful healing experience gives you exactly what you need, even if you didn't know that you needed it. All you have to do is be willing to show up and breakthrough.
P.S. I'm leading a Breathwork session on February 9th. Click here if you'd like to join me and experience your own breakthrough.