I hated my legs
I've been noticing soreness in my legs over the last couple of days. It's been a long time since I've experienced muscle soreness, and I've started to wonder if it's because I've been increasing my physical and spiritual sensitivities.
Of course, some of you might be thinking it's just because I'm getting older, but I don't subscribe to that line of thinking. I don't believe we have to watch the wheels fall off the bus just because we keep putting miles on the tires. I believe our body's condition is a choice we make, although most times, it's an unconscious one.
But I digress, back to the muscle soreness.
As I was sitting with my legs and allowing myself to turn up the sensation's intensity, I noticed a couple of memories pop into my awareness. First, it was an image of me in my high school cheerleading uniform. I was wearing a short skirt and had legs for days. Then, I was rowing in college and looking down at my flexed legs in the boat in the second memory. The final image was me bent over with my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath after completing my 4th marathon.
Despite all of the amazing things that my legs have done for me, I hated them for most of my life. I hated the fact they made me taller than everyone (especially the boys). No one wanted to date the tall girl. I wanted my legs (and entire body) to be cute and small because everyone seemed to like cute and small. I was the opposite of that. I felt like a behemoth, and it sucked.
I also hated the fact that it made shopping for jeans nearly impossible. I was built like a boy and if I wanted jeans that were long enough, I had to shop like one too. Ugh. I hated my legs so much that I refused to let them see the light of day. In fact, I went to college in Florida, and I don't really recall owning a pair of jean shorts. I only wore shorts when I worked out. Otherwise, I kept my legs covered with jeans because I didn't want to see my unattractive dutch knees or pale skin.
That all changed in my 30s. I can't tell you exactly when it happened, but my best guess is around the time I started going to Burning Man. Watching all the different body shapes and sizes being expressed with creativity and confidence blew my mind. Since then, I started exploring my own creative expression and slowly falling in love with my legs along the way.
As I was sitting with how my view of my legs has changed, I received an intuitive hit that it was time to release all of the judgment and hatred that I had poured into my legs for all of those years. I started by repeating Ho'oponopono (an ancient Hawaiin healing prayer) as I gently held my legs in my awareness.
Then I invited my Spirit Guides and Higher Self to witness and support my intention to release any pain, hatred, and judgment that had become trapped in my legs. I sat and told my legs that I was sorry for the pain I had caused, and then I told them how much I loved and appreciated them.
The pain did not instantly disappear, but it certainly started to subside. My legs also felt less jumpy and tense. The biggest shift that I noticed was how I felt emotionally. I instantly felt lighter and more at ease. It was like I had released a pressure valve, and suddenly things didn't feel so intense internally.
The longer I sat in awareness, the more I realized that this was part of the healing I had recently requested. I had intentionally thanked the Universe for showing me how to fall in love with myself, which is part of that process. Learning how to love the body and release the judgment and fear that has been trapped within it. I never would've guessed the hate I had for my legs would've been one of the first pieces of the puzzle, but I'm glad I received that healing.