My Divine Assignment from Spirit
I received a divine assignment this morning.
Every time I receive these “little gifts” from my Higher Self and Spirit Team, I know the assignment is for my greatest good. Yes, that is what I tell myself because the reality is that I don’t always welcome these assignments with a smiling face and open arms. Some, like this one, are met with internal resistance and a pouty face that says, “do I have to?”
The answer is that it is always my choice.
I also know that if I turn down the assignment, the Universe will serve it up again on a different platter. And the second or third or fifth invitation may not be any easier (in fact, it usually isn’t). So, I’ve learned to say yes the first time and trust that it is for my highest good.
My divine assignment is to embark on a 21-day Vipassana meditation journey.
You might think this is no big deal for someone who is already an avid meditator. But I will be honest and admit (with a little embarrassment) that I have become quite relaxed in my meditations. In fact, my partner jokes that meditation is code for taking a nap (which may or may not be true).
Why does a 21-day meditation journey feel like such a challenge when I already meditate every single day?
That was the question I needed to answer first. I also hoped that this self-inquiry would lead to some golden nuggets of healing wisdom to soothe the mind’s need to determine if this was going to be worth it.
The first thing that came to me was realizing that I have been using my current meditation style as an escape.
I was turning on the guided meditations and laying down because I knew that I would drift off to sleep or perhaps another reality. I knew that every time I came back from those journeys, I was tingling with a desire to return again. Wherever I was going felt so much easier and lighter than the dense physical world we live in. I had no recollection of where I had been or what I had experienced, and to be honest, that didn’t really matter to me. My Soul was enjoying the escape, so I made space for that craving every day.
Knowing that I was using meditation as an escape made me realize that I looked at seated, silent meditation as work.
It felt like effort to remain seated and still when I know that blissful non-existence was available to me if I just laid down. The idea of being in my body and observing the chatter of the mind sounded painful. Why the heck would I pick being held hostage to my physical experience over the light and expansion I had grown accustomed to? And if I let that thought drift a little further, why did I choose to be here in this chaotic and suffering rich 3D reality when I could’ve remained pure light and love? I realize now that is a big part of why I was given this assignment.
It’s time to be in my body and experience not only who I am, but why I am here.
That leads me to the other fear that came to mind as I was exploring my resistance. It feels odd to say it, but I am afraid to discover who I truly am. There is a fear within me that I am more powerful and magical than I realize and my mind likes to tell me that this pure, authentic magic would lead to critical judgment from others and life-threatening exclusion. The two biggest fears that I have been actively managing for my entire life.
I also realized that I hold some fear around the potential of my spiritual gifts. I fear seeing the things I am not ready to see, hearing the things I am not ready to hear and knowing the things I am not ready to know. My mind wants to keep me from experiencing my spiritual gifts and sensitivities because it’s afraid it will turn out like the movies. I certainly don’t want to live a life that resembles some of the things I’ve seen on screen! Sending a special shout out to the movie The 6th Sense for being the primary basis of this fear.
As I mulled over these fears and how they were forming the resistance to this divine assignment, I began to hear the whisper of my sweet and innocent heart. It was reminding me that the most miraculous gift I have ever been given was the gift of my divinity tucked within this beautiful human space suit. It showed me the purity of the love that is the motor of my existence and the best part of being here. My heart also reminded me that I will never be given anything that I am not ready to experience.
Unfortunately for my ego, I have given decision making authority to my sweet and innocent heart. So, I officially start my 21-day Vipassana meditation journey tomorrow. The ego has until the end of today to finish throwing its temper tantrum and then I am committed to sitting for 20 minutes twice a day.
I will be keeping a journal of my experience and have already been instructed by Spirit to share those experiences here. So welcome aboard! Glad you could join me for this divine little adventure.